phsysciatrist today :-(

 meds

I am currently sat in my empty shop on a rolled up old carpet shaking with anxiety and fear. We’re having a complete shop refit and new carpet is getting laid today (we think!) hopefully haven’t got the wrong day.

The reason my anxiety has hit me today is that I am going to meet my new permanent physciatrist today… But I’m no good with new people and I no 100% that I am going to struggle to get out the right words to explain how bad I am doing. My CPN is going to be there so will hopefully be able to put across how bad I am doing. I need to see a phycologist asap but I’m on at least a two year waiting list and private ones are £45.00 an hour which there is no way I can afford that. So it looks like I am on a waiting game which I don’t know if I can do and wait for.

The shop isn’t what’s causing me stress its my head, she’s back the voices are so strong today. Plus when I was in the physc ward I collapsed and smashed my head off a concrete floor and ever since I suffer with seriously strong pains. like right now I’m in so much pain, am taking whatever pain killers there are over the counter. cannot take paracetamol as I’m totally immune to them as I’ve overdosed on them throughout my life so much. not that anyone actually knows that, I think its from the time that I took over two boxes worth.

But I’m so struggling today and I really need to get myself into gear. and crack on and keep my “happy face ” on… make everyone think that I am happy and Larry.

hope anyone that reads this has a peaceful and happy day…

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