Scars both physical and mental never truly disappear…

scars

Scars both physical and mental never truly disappear…

(Everything expressed below are my feelings and thoughts)

I don’t think that it matters how long ago something that has either mentally or physically or even both has happened and scarred you. Scars never go and the memories don’t go either and the slightest of things can trigger memories to come back.

For myself it’s hard to explain as I was found when I was with my biological parents. I wouldn’t be able to sit here and tell events of things that happened or the exact day. My mind has seemingly managed to push all full thoughts of things that happened back into the back of my head and memory. But I do get moment when I can get flash-backs of thing that happened whilst still in the care of my biological parents. The slightest thing can trigger me off and I can suddenly smell something and link it to something that happened. I can have such vivid dreams about my time with them so much so it can be so real like I am sat here on my stairs right now. When I do have these dreams or flashbacks when awake or asleep I can taste things, smell things and feel things to. Hearing things and touching seats and feel of the carpets.

Yet there can be days or even weeks when I don’t think about it. But these are my mental scars which I used to be able to deal with until the last few years. Some did start when I had my eldest daughter as the strong fear of turning out like my biological mother came flooding to me as soon as I had her. The fear and sense that I could turn into her is bloody scary in itself.

But there are also physical scars which can happen from as little as tripping over at school and cutting your knee. A you can look at them and are able to tell people what happened and laugh about it. Over time these scars may fade or even disappear.

Then there are the scars that can happen from a traumatic experience anything from a car accident to the hands of someone abusing you. But all these can have a physical effect on your body. Scars from having an operation or whatever physical happened.

But a way to sometimes deal with emotional and mental pain and trauma is to try and release the pain and physically feel it instead of mentally feeling it. My way has been a few various ways one of them being self-harming. Your screaming inside your head and the pain inside of you is so intense that you can only see one way of getting the pain out of your head is by physically harming yourself with some kind of blade.

I myself am only too well tuned into this way. There many been unfortunately few too many times where I have resulted to this way. I now have found safer ways of expressing physical pain and trying to talk and get help to deal with the pain. Sometimes the pain can become unbearable but there is always going to be someone who can help you. My other main way is writing hence why this has been written.

A Bit Of Everything

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One thought on “Scars both physical and mental never truly disappear…

  1. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It must have taken you a lot of courage to share such a personal experience and you’re right, scars may fade but won’t disappear. We all need to find safe ways of expressing that pain. I am glad that you have found writing as a means of expressing this pain. And your writing will also serve to inspire and educate people who read your posts! #abitofeverything

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