The all consuming darkness around me….

The all-consuming darkness of mental health illnesses.

* The moments when you are looking around for something or someone but nothingness is there instead.

* You feel twisted inside, compare it to the twists and knots in the trees, none of their branches are straight. That is what it is like for the path to recovery for many people that have mental illness the path will never be straight up.

* To have moments when you see no light in this world and then you realise that you have hit rock bottom and that there is nothing else that you can do to help yourself.

* You try your damn hardest to get words out to get help but no words come out. Your screaming inside your head for help getting louder and louder and the words won’t come out. You can’t see any other way to try and tell anyone and you have never felt so alone.

* Your two worlds come colliding together and smash you into deep darkness and there no light anywhere you search.

* When you feel that you are floating beside your human self and feel like a ghost but watching yourself. You do things without a second thought and end up doing something that could potentially be damaging.

* The fact that you are trying to understand what is happening to you and you really can’t figure out what is happening but have no real way to find out.

* To have a diagnosis but to have people using the label as if you are it and not the person you were before they knew you had mental health. It throws you into more pits of despair and you cannot fathom another day with these people.

* The fact that people use you as an excuse and your disorder as a reason not go out or do things. Using you when they want something or using it as a weapon against you or others.

* When others decide that because you have this mental health illness that you are suddenly like the scum of the earth. That is when you reach rock bottom and have no interest in coming back to the surface to try and be able to breathe.

* When you can sit there and watch tv or listen to music and your mind is so blank and yet your consumed by this darkness.

* You try your damn best to get out of the darkness and try and find the light. You want help, and you do everything in your power to try and get the attention of medical peoples help.

* To sit with you cpn or in a group with others and they ask how you are. You know you need to tell them how much you are struggling but you just say that your fine.

* You know that there is help out there somewhere but you don’t know where to turn anymore. You feel like you have tried every avenue you can possibly go.

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