Do you ever get?

Feel nothing, fear nothing, show no emotion.

That moment where you suddenly are filled with grief and pain of mourning. You look out on a shining, morning and watch people come and go walking around in their own worlds.

That moment when you suddenly want to keep stabbing something over and over. Get some kind of rage out but you end up pushing it all down so far that its sat in the bottom of your gut making you physically sick.

That’s moment when your two worlds collide, and your head, mind and soul feel like they are going to burst into flames.

When you want to grad you medical ID tag or whatever is around your neck enough to make you choke and feel pain. To try and bury any pain and not to show or feel any kind of emotion. That moment when all you can do is to try and kill any emotions inwards. That no matter how much you try and ask for help the words refuse to come out. But you still have your non-emotion face and mask. Any enjoyment you normally feel has completely diminished.

That moment when your body just doesn’t want to function with how you need it to. Your legs feeling like their dead weights but you feel the need to keep moving.

To have to force yourself to be able to function and be able to interact with people all the time even though you don’t want to. This is the only way that I can make sure that I can keep myself on the go. Making sure that I am always busy as much as I can, and in the times that I am on my own continue to write as means to keep my mind busy. If I didn’t have the daily responsibility to keep me going. And more importantly having my family around me to also help keep me busy I think I would be holed up in my bedroom and hiding in my bed from this cruel evil world.


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