Surprised myself….

my twittering undoubtedly has me surpriseed that anyone actually wants to read anything I write I usually start on some subject and tangent off it majorly. But that is how I am so its really a love or hate thing about me. also that when I’m nervous I can also tend to just talk. talk about shite anything to take me off whatever is about to happen. Like in Hadrian ward when I went in to meet Becky for the first time she would ask me a question but I ended up going off subject. But when I went into the first meeting with Dr jide and the other three doctors each who specialised in a specific subject of medical things. But that was four strangers well five including the chaperone as I hadn’t met her before. But I don’t think that I had been In even a week when I was Sat in a big room with these five strangers.  was ok when my husband was with me because I had the support of someone I actually could look at without thinking shit I need out of here. or their gonna think I’m a complete mutter and never let me out of here. But after about the third meeting it got gradually easier for me to talk to them. Even though the tall ginger junior doctor looked as bell until my very last meeting two weeks before I was discharged. was like he had been given a kick up the arse. or maybe because he was looking forward to his next “case”

“case” I hate that fricking word with a massive vengeance, especially when medical practitioners say “hello I have been looking at your case”. it’s not a case it’s a fringing file full of supposedly information about how I am doing and what’s has been happening and what medication I have been on and am on. I am not a “case” that can be thrown around. We are human beings and do not like to be called or referred to as a case. a case is something that is dealt with in court. We are not our diagnosis, we are not the labels you give us. We are not something that is stuck to the bottom of your shoes and can be cleaned off. We are here and we have feelings and emotions too.

Like anyone else in this world we can be out there amongst people. “normal” people whatever normal is, but you would never be able to tell who has a mental illness from just looking. But those with obvious illnesses or injuries you can see straight away. We are ill in the same way just not physically able to see it. The stigma against mental health is bad and is really obvious from even just with me. I wear a medical I.d tag and it has my name and address on one side and the medical symbol and the word bipolar underneath it. I wear this around my neck on outside of my clothes. most people don’t say anything but there is the minority of people that have questioned me about it not to gather information about bipolar but to see if I’m actually capable to work. it might only be a minority that are disgusted to see or read about mental health illnesses but it still does hurt when people are blindsided by damn ignorance.

This is one thing final passionate about now more then ever. To somehow get the stigma of mental health stamped out. To show people that we are not a danger to society and are just like them in many many ways.


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