today…

So today I am really struggling. I’m severely missing my grandma and grandad. I was listening to GRL lighthouse song and I just plainly broke down sobbing my eyes out.

I really want to call someone and talk about how I am doing and feeling. My cpn is coming tomorrow sometime so hoping that will help. I am constantly tired which is exhausting more in itself.

It’s beautiful and bright outside. All I wanna do is grab my camera and walk around the lake and take photos.

My stupid back and ankle are playing again which is annoying.

My head has gone all dizzy and gone all spinning with thoughts and memories. Some of the things rushing through my head are scaring me. Voices are trying to tell me I’m worthless and not worthy to be on this earth. They are trying to convince me to self harm again.

I am writing this because it is keeping my mind focussed on something other then my brain. If I have the guts I’m gonna show my cpn.

I’m sick and tired of being and feeling like this. I can’t seem to get out of this funk….

I’m not saying I give up on trying. There has to be a better life then the way I am feeling right now. I’m just at a point with my bipolar that has kicked me to the ground and I’m needing help to jump back up the cliff face and grab the rocks to climb out. Seems like I go 1 step forward and plummet back down into the dark abyss.

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