shattered….

Today is another day. A new day. A new day to restart stuff. Really?? Does anyone actually believe that.

Anyways stop spraffing I’m screaming in my head. So I’m working on this on my kindle fire. And it’s touch screen so keep having to run through everything for spellings.

So opened at 6am. Sorted papers out…. now sat working on this really trying to write stuff about how I am…

Anna is sat beside me right now telling me to take my meds but in all honesty I don’t want to take them at all I want throw them down the toilet or in the bin. Having a life control by meds. Meds that can start off working great and then suddenly stop and they pump the amount up and if that doesn’t work it’s oh lets try another type of med. And urban being continuously pumped with this stuff. I’m currently on lamotrigine 300mg. 150mg in morning and 150mg in the evening. Has to always be after I’ve had something to eat. Which in all honesty doesn’t often happen.

I’ve stopped sleeping long hours again. Back to how I used to be. Usually drifted off by midnight…. But I’m still exhausted in the mornings. I literally run on energy drinks.That’s how I’m still able to keep going right now. I have the odd wee thing to eat at some point during the day but never normally really hungry for something proper to eat. Maybe one day I will be able to kick Anna’s ass. I’m sure I’ve put weight on and its freaking me out. Need to go to go and get weighed in. But the thought that I may have no I have and they will no scares me alone. I also have to get blood tests done not scared of needles it just blood….

You no when the pop the needle in I actually a lot enjoy the sharp pain. Seriously how stupid is that!! Maybe it’s just how I want to feel things. I don’t know maybe I need to be locked up somewhere with others that are like me and think on my wave length.

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