The start?? maybe?

Firstly I want to say sorry for the swearing I was brought up not to swear. But as I write this I feel this is one of only ways to.get over how truly am doing….

Ever since I was fostered and then adopted I had always been able to push away thoughts of my biological parents. Push memories of them away. People used to always think I that I was affected by it. And back then I wasnt. But in the last five years the memories have started coming back. I feel pain and darkness when ever think of them. (Bio parents) Thing is I can’t not think of her (bio mum) because she’s always with me watching me. She never leaves me alone. NEVER. but dare I tell anyone NO!!! They Already know about Anna….. so if they find out I’m seeing two people now. That I can see them fully there. I’m scared shitless. I sleep their there either sat or stood beside me or over me. Writing this Anna sat on chair opposite me. And her (bio mum) stood reading and watching me write this over my shoulder. I need them out but they just won’t fuck off…. I was brought up not to swear. But over years I’ve learnt everyone everywhere swears whether in public or not. 

But writing I wish they would just go away! Doesn’t show how much pain and how fckd up they are making me head. But saying I wish they would fuck off !! To me seems to show a wee insight of the pain. They keep convincing me to go…. leave this world. Let those that deserve to breath have the air I breathe in and rid the world of the toxic shirt I breathe out into the world. They say I only deserve to live in my dark world. Because I am I AM the sporn of the devil. Evil flows through my veins. My blood is truly black when in my body but red when comes out.

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